A New Kind of Patience

It’s weird to feel like my mind is being scattered across so many different ideas, emotions, priorities, all keeping my head spinning.

I don’t know if it’s the frustration with dealing with all of this rehab following surgery, the pain making it just challenging to sleep, or maybe it’s the reintroduction of my regular coffee drinking again. But I’m getting this weird sort of anxious and restless state of being where I feel sad about how slow my recovery is feeling like, while also that being compounded by my time away from friends. It’s also, however, not as though I recognize that there isn’t an end to this limbo. I know I’m improving. I am going to make it back to school. But that hasn’t eased or reduced any of how I’ve felt about the last two months.

In some respects, I have to be brutally honest about how I kept setting ridiculous expectations for where I want to be. I don’t just mean that in terms of the recovery process, but also just generally in life. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have high or really clear expectations, but that I can be more honest before I embark on new adventures about where I do hope to end up five or ten years down the line. I know that I will be coming back to school in a much more healthy capacity than before, and that makes me want to take on more active things. I also, on the other hand, am conscious of the fact that I will not be there right…