A Reset.

I try to live with the self-awareness that nothing is forever, that everything you may have planned or had been prepared for can be gone at a moment’s notice.

I’ve been playing in my head how I’d write about what the last few days have been like. You’d think that nearly four years of writing here would give me the perspective or capacity to explain how being effectively resigned to taking a quarter away from school for a serious knee injury. But I don’t. All I know is how I feel about all of this. That’s seemingly the one thing I do feel like I have at least some sort of grasp on.

I’m depressed. I’m exhausted. I’m in pain. I’m sad. I’m a mix and blend of all of that. But I think the one thing I feel the most is fear. I can’t lie to myself and not be afraid of everything that seemingly has been complicated by this setback that I don’t want to act is solely marginal. I’m afraid of rehabbing and going through physical therapy. I’m afraid of missing so much of what I love about life. I’m afraid about missing my home, Chicago, and all of the incredible people that make this place what it is. I’m afraid of not being present enough for the people I truly care about every day and in the way I know I should be.

I’m in a hazy, dark place. But as someone close to me has pushed me to emphasize, I have to look at the upside. I cannot make it through the next four months as myself without…