Back Home.

It’s weird to be home.

No, I don’t necessarily mean it in the very literal sense weird. Maybe a better word would be bizarre. It’s been a healthy mix of predictable, exhausting, generative, and a few other miscellaneous things. But I think that unlike when I started things over when I got to college, I’m slowly feeling more at peace with the general sense of wanting to be so completely oblivious about what generally happens with folks that I don’t care about.

One of my good friends remarked about how since I’ve gotten back I’ve been a lot more quiet and mellow. It’s a little challenging to think about how the last four months really gave me a whole lot less to be rejuvenated about. Everything still feels just a little less vivid and warm than it used to be. maybe that's because I finally got a better sense of what reality is, beyond the bubble of school and the Bay. I keep coming back to the notion in my head of how challenging it is to convey a harrowing time in your life to someone who hasn’t gone through anything like it. It’s not that there isn’t a possibility to receive empathy and support from folks, but rather I instead choose to dwell on how no one will be able to understand how hard things have gotten truly (which is correct but that doesn’t mean I need to minimize nor deny these things as well).