Writing about music is bizarre.
Especially given how I’ve been approaching the last year in a mindset of recovery and starting things up from scratch again, none of the music I listen to these days feels optimistic. What gets more and more spins for me is music that feels incredibly honest, paints pictures of a world that is so drastically different from my reality, gives me a chance to really understand the perspective or reflections on facing life’s punches.
It’s been weird to look at my music choices and spins over the last year because I don’t listen to almost any genre outside of hip hop anymore. I don’t dabble in R&B, don’t bump my head to the house, and left most of the alternative pop in years past. Maybe it’s the shift in genres, but I struggle to find any other genre at this point in my life to encapsulate the state of mind I’ve been dealing with. It’s been a combination of alienation, feeling fairly lost and unmotivated by where I’m at, but still finding the means to push through daily.
Whether it’s been the new Ghais Guevara album, driving around the Bay with Larry June in the speakers, or writing to the new Roc Marciano/Alchemist project, the genre has given me the relief to just accept wherever I’m at. Gone are the times of me reveling in my thoughts listening to Berhana or tuning out the world with Madeon blasting through my ear. I think in some respects what I cannot compartmentalize with watching random shows or films is that a reflection or honesty about the material conditions of the world gets in the way of me being able to enjoy any entertainment.
I was talking with my cousins on the way to IN-N-Out a few nights ago after watching “See How They Run.” The film itself was quite inoffensive, and mellow, and I’d forgotten what the title of the film was when we walked out of the theatre. But there was one thing that really did stand out to me during that evening. We had a brief conversation about the things that we consume and what we really want to get out of watching media. I was explaining how I don’t compartmentalize the context and circumstances surrounding media, leaving me incapable of being able to enjoy certain parts of some media. I don’t think I’ve gotten to take things too far, but it is making me feel like a frequently bitter person. I want to be able to appreciate art within context, not continue just to be critiquing to critique. I wish I could just take a better step back in life, overall, and maybe then I can admire the bits of the world I keep shutting myself out of.
That’s an unsorted thread or thought, though. I don’t know where that’ll take me, but I am gonna keep an eye on it in the future.
Being Noah Tesfaye #253: Music or Film; The Reflections Feel the Same…
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