I’ve been on effective lockdown here in the Bay Area since I got home Monday night. And, for the past five days, I have not left my home at all.
Part of it has been my choice to personally self-quarantine since I was traveling and don’t want to take any risks, but the other part of me wants to take this time to just sink into my head and reflect upon everything that’s happened over this past week. I knew things would escalate dramatically, but I just didn’t anticipate the personal toll it would take on myself. Now, that comes a huge caveat that I know and am aware of the fact that this has fortunately not yet substantially impacted the lives of my family nor friends and that I am grateful to have a home and the resources to be okay right now. But, on the flip side, I don’t think it would be honest for me to say this has been completely fine to adjust to because it just hasn’t been.
I will say that by and large, I don’t think I could have missed my community at school as I have already. From friends to classes, to just normal walks on the quad, I miss the college life in just about every aspect. Was it challenging? Absolutely? Did it take a strain on my mental and physical well-being occasionally? Yeah. But by and large, there was nothing better for my happiness than being a part of such an incredible community. Random spur of the moment conversations at 2 or 3 in the morning are non-existent. I can’t go back to the shop and make myself a coffee at any time. There is no more first floor of the library wacky disturbances. It’s so many of the small idiosyncrasies of being a student that I didn’t anticipate playing such a crucial part of my own identity weirdly.
That one thing that I didn’t realize I would miss so much is specifically the opportunity to learn in such a structured way. Coming into every day with the chance to learn something new, even if it may have been annoying or not even remotely interesting, was something that had just become so routine. Without that, I am having a difficult time finding the capacity to just structure myself with some energy to do something more “productive” with the substantial amount of downtime we all have now aside from scrolling through Twitter and watching food shows on Netflix.
But, I will say that as of now, I think I’m holding up alright given the circumstances. My biggest concerns or the fears I have are those surrounding the utter lack of certainty our lives all have. I’m afraid of how this will affect those I care about and want to see thrive. But, I know that the best thing I can do at this time is to just continue writing, continue messaging friends, and spending time with my immediate family. I’ll, of course, continue to write the blog, so if I have any new ideas for spicing things up here, you’ll see them here soon. Till next Saturday, stay safe, stay home, and best wishes to you and your families and friends.
Being Noah Tesfaye #123: My First Week of Social Distancing
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