I’m thinking about a lot, but sometimes I don’t understand what to do with any of it.
I’m thinking about Chicago re-entering first wave stay-at-home guidelines. It’s not as if my habits changed much at all in the past seven months of what we’re living through. I think a lot about what it means for this city to actively pursue and implement anti-houseless policies while okaying outdoor eating bubbles with heaters. I’m exhausted and still continuously distraught at the ever-presence of death that this pandemic has brought upon us all. Whether we’re in grieving for loved ones or for the 240,000+ people who have lost their lives due to a pandemic, we continue to be told to keep pushing as if the world is back to normal. A politician may go out and be reckless in the pandemic while also demanding that we others stay at home, while a working-class parent has to keep their job and put their life and the lives of their family on the line.
To prepare to go back to stay-at-home is to prepare for another extended period of isolation. I’ve written a fair amount here about how I found some sort of solace with routine setting and restoring some semblance of a schedule to give myself sanity. But I never really thought about what it would mean to be back outside then locked back in. It isn’t really that I’m hopeless at this time because I refuse to step away from that. I have to and will continue to practice hope that we will take the measure to stay safe. But I also feel pessimistic. I do fear what this winter will look like. I don’t have any clue, as we all do, with how these next few months play out, and all we can do is just take initiative ourselves because our leaders on both sides have demonstrated they are not invested significantly in helping people and providing relief in the most trying moment in recent history.
While a vaccine could arrive before the spring, distribution plans continue to remain unclear, just like COVID testing. So while we’re at the mercy of this pandemic, I’m just going to hope that those I care about can stay safe. I don’t have much else to share or give advice on that hasn’t already been shared. People know the risks, the dangers, known people who have gotten COVID or died from it. People know the longer-lasting effects, people know the mental health implications of us also staying inside and isolated for so long. And that’s why I just have gone numb. I don’t know what else there is for helping or caring more about people.
I’m just sad really. I’m sad about the rest of the fall and what the winter will bring upon us.
That’s all I got this week.
Being Noah Tesfaye #157: Re-Entering Stay-at-Home
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