On the road to rehabbing again.
It feels a bit strange to just be doing this all over again, considering this is just fall 2021 all over again. Sure, I do think things are going to go a bit smoother, but I don’t know what to do in terms of seeing how much things will likely shift around in life because of this now. I don’t have to be taking more time away from school, nor will I have a chance to think about whether or not I made the right choice to get surgery this early in the summer.
I almost didn’t end up writing this week, or even really considered ever writing again here. I did not see any substantive purpose to making that particular choice again. But, I wanted to at least be around to document for myself that this moment is the real turning point in my life, more than just simply graduating from school. I think how I handle and bounce back from this surgery will alter the trajectory of my life in a more significant way than at any other moment since I came to Chicago for undergrad (honestly feels like more than that).
I think part of why I write is because I know that if I don’t give myself the chance to process things and be prepared for what’s next in life, I won’t be able to predict how I can react or respond. To me, writing through everything these last five and a half, nearly six years, has been under the objective that I’m consistently trying to figure out what it’ll take for me to be the best person I know I can be. I have many, many flaws. Some are insecurities, but most are places where I feel incredibly honest that I know I have missed the mark on things. Either way, I do think that the process of coming here, every single week for over half a decade (wow that’s insane to write) is that I am ready to unmask and unpack whatever issues I may be facing, and ultimately seek to just be a better person.
Hoping tomorrow goes well. I won’t do a “but” because I think I’ll just get even more anxious about it than I already am. Who knows if I’ll be willing and ready to write again here next week.
Being Noah Tesfaye #290: Round Two.
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