Running It Back

It feels like I’m back at the end of winter quarter once again: my county is going back into stay-at-home orders, the pandemic seems more daunting and horrifying than ever, and finals stress is kicking in.

A lot has changed in the last eight, nearly nine months since that moment. I’ve become more radical and have a stronger dream and vision for the world. I’ve written some of my favorite essays, columns, articles, and blog posts ever. I’ve met some inspiring folks virtually and reconnected with others. I would like to think I’ve grown and matured since all of this began.

But now we’re going to run it back. And it’s the indescribable mix of fear, stress, anger, and resentment that I felt in March. But now, I have a more comprehensive, more thorough understanding of these conditions. I understand what is responsible, who is responsible for these thousands of human beings that have died. I have a more nuanced perspective and one that honestly leaves me in a combination of both shock but more importantly one of rage.

I was having a conversation with my mom yesterday just about the recently announced stay-at-home orders as the mayors of San Francisco, San Jose, and our governor have all had dinner parties in the past month. She rightfully asked why I just kept getting so disgusted knowing I couldn’t do much to stop these politicians from treating this pandemic…