Setting Up for the Final Chapter
There are just many, many different things I am contemplating or ruminating on these days, but I haven’t given them much time to sit.
Yesterday, I submitted my last final as an undergrad, effectively bringing myself to the final step toward actually graduating (finishing the thesis). It was an anti-climactic way to send things off. I wrote my final, submitted it to canvas, and I just sat there just thinking to myself “That’s it? It’s really all over?” It felt weird that after just being on the constant grind for four years, the whole thing you had attempted to get through for years has now come to a close. Just like that, it’s finally wrapped up. I finished the end of a four-year journey and can finally begin to think even more about what’s next.
In my time over the next week or so, I’m going to try to give myself as much time to sit alone with my thoughts as. I roam around NYC. I am going to try to sort out the different questions that are still on my mind about where I want to go in the next year. I have doubts about the extent to which I can really sit with the questions that have been occupying my mind for years at this point. I am asking many difficult questions about how naive and delusional I am about the career path I want to embark on. I am asking myself questions rigorously about the people I surround myself with and how I seek to maintain my friendships after college. I am asking a lot about how I can continue to stay principled in the politics I practice, whether the ways I have been applying them are genuinely effective or self-serving.
One of the things that I continue to contemplate is just trying to ask myself what brings me sustained joy. When was the last period where I could really get excited about life, wake up even four times a week looking forward to really doing something I enjoy? I frankly do not know when I last experienced that and I don’t know what will need to transpire for me to be able to actually appreciate that. I think it’s the combination of the ongoing health issues and the continued pressure of trying to sort out my short-term future. What actually gives me joy in a sustained way? What can I stay hopeful about?
Honestly, I don’t think I have an easy or honest answer for any of that. I am grateful for and love the community I work with and am a part of. I…
