Trying to Figure This Next Chapter Out

I fell a bit off on journaling (maybe that’s an understatement).

I haven’t written much for myself in the last few weeks as I have been trying to piece together some sense of rest after being on the complete grind the last month (and really the last four years). Much of the excuses I have given myself around trying to sort out how I conceive of my own real-world challenges stem fundamentally from the perspective that the practice to be in continual self-improvement is not easy. Nothing ever is, and I understand that to be someone who attempts to really continue to evolve the way I understand the world

There is this point I have been reaching within the last few months that I think is stemming largely from my own lack of trying to branch out more in my thinking. I feel incredibly stagnant and more firm about where I am in terms of how I understand the world than I have in years. I have very little faith in finding more places for me to feel dissuaded about the world or the opinions of those who are a part of it. If I am not constantly reading or trying to refine the way I find the world to exist, then what else is there for me to expect in terms of my own well-being or development going forward?

If I were to conceive of a more rigorous writing and study practice, it would be what I tried (to varying levels of success) with working on my thesis. Blocking off several hours a day to just think and write, to read and write, or to really just focus on the various scholarly efforts I want to continue building towards. It requires there is a commitment to believe that I can try to continue to grow. I have given myself the time to really devote a few years almost consistently to just one project, not giving myself the chance to really critically consider what interventions I want to make in my own thinking.

The goal of trying to build these habits is in large part to find out how I can find answers (or at minimum direction) toward the person I want to become. I have very little sense of what the healthiest avenue is to ensure that I can really make this my reality. the last real significant push I can make for myself, and what I have been doing as of late, is to be very very clear and explicit about everything I have done these last few years and put down what it is I actually want to get…