When in Limbo

Life is in limbo, and per usual, I do not have much sense about how to reconcile the path I’ve chosen.

I think the prospect of graduating with very little immediately clear on the horizon about what it is I want to do with my life outside of school is an indictment. It’s an indictment against my capacity to sincerely consider what the world has out there for me to do long-term. I know I want to continue to commit as much of my life to my org and comrades while at least being able to make ends meet. I know that I want to continue to be in study for the foreseeable future, but that in itself cannot be focused on whether or not I can be in an institution or not (as if that could ever really be a safe haven for the scholarly work I want to do).

I think part of my realization too is just that I need to think more seriously about what it is I have been up to these last four years. Sure, I’ve developed some tangible research skills. And sure, I have learned a lot about political theory work. But what have I understood about what I want to do with my life? That’s a question only I can answer for myself. It is not about how little or how much I’ve gotten out of my time in college. But, I do think that fundamentally I am back to the point where I began college, arriving at the same perspective but without any real sense of w